blind dates
by deadbeast
Summary: komaeda dresses up as genocider syo to make the ladies swoon
1. Chapter 1

(A/N this takes place after sonias despair fever)

"komaeda you dont have to keep wearing genocider syo's uniform we already found sonia" hinata said

"i know but i like it also i think it will make the ladies swoon"

hinata found that he could not stop staring at komaedas butt in a cute skirt the entire time

anyway they were on their way to the restaurant to do mahirus crazy scheme this time.

mahiru pissed because only she and hiyoko were dating and everyone needs to find dates

"why" asked nanami

"so i can take pics of your private moments i mean so it wont be awkward because we're the only ones dating"

"also to take pics of your private moments" hanamura said

so here they were doing this ridiculous blind date thing)

they were the first ones at the restaurant

"very impeccable timing hinata and komaeda why are you wearing that" mahiru said

komaedas gonna get asked that a lot tonight

looks like it had no effect on affect on mahiru though because shes lesbian

ladies swooned: 0

souda came along


	2. Chapter 2

souda was still upset over the nice guy thing

"hey souda you don't have to be upset over that its not like its your fault" hinata said "you had that disease"

"every female in the area is going to hate me hinata" souda said

hinata felt a little sorry for souda at that time

"komaeda-"

"im trying to make the ladies swoon souda" komaeda answered before he could even ask and souda gave a knowing nod

"hey mahiru where's your girlfriend" hinata asked

"you know her lazy ass wont get up here until the last minute honestly i don't get why im dating her again"

"for the enjoyment of the male population!" hanamura said as he climbed up the stairs

"god damn it hanamura you fucking pervert" mahiru said

hanamura was scanning the restaurant for potential bachelor/ettes and immediately swooned upon seeing komaeda in genocider syo's clothing

"jeeze…" komaeda sighed

ladies swooned: 0

hanamura swooned: 1

"alright im going to start while we wait for the others" mahiru said "you all know how the blind date works but im gonna explain it again for the audience's sake

"what you mean someone's _watching_ us?!" souda said

"anyway im going to hand out these white paper strip"

"pers" hanamura instinctively mumbled in his sleep

"and you guys are going to write your names on them while i put them in this hat here"

"wait a second that's _my_ hat!" souda shouted

"im gonna reach in this hat and pull out two names and the two who i name are going to have to date"

"wait then its not really a blind date is it? we all know each other" hinata said

"god hinata keep that smart mouth of yours in the trials because im runnin this show now" mahiru said

hinata shut up

"anyway i added one more rule" mahiru said

it wasnt going to be good everyone thought

"you all have to kiss each other on the LIPS before you guys can leave"

"wait what if we get someone who's the same gender as us" souda said

"did i fucking stutter" mahiru said

everyone looked at hanamuras luscious lips and everyone thought "im not having my lips pressed against those"

komaeda didnt give a shit because he was shsl good luck though and he knew hes gonna have his lips smushed on hinatas by the time this is over

or nanami it can go either way


	3. Chapter 3

nanami arrived at the scene and mahiru explained to her the situation

"alright komaeda a girl's finally here" souda said to komaeda "time to make your moves"

komaeda strutted up to nanami and made sure to ruffle his skirt a lil bit "nanami"

"oh hello komaeda. still in that outfit?"

"uh you won't swoon?"

"nah"

well nanami saw komaeda earlier in the outfit so it wouldn't have been effective, and she was also an *spoiler* AI *spoiler* so she was incapable of swooning

ladies swooned: 0

"tough luck komaeda maybe the next girl?" souda said

"yeah" komaeda thought but all this bad luck is just going to make hive eventual good luck even better

waiting was boring so souda dragged the boys and nanami together to talk

"so who are you guys trying for" souda said "komaeda you're lucky so you're obviously getting who you want so who's it gonna be"

"not telling" komaeda said

"what about you hinata?" souda asked him

"i don't really care" hinata said "as long as its not hanamura"

"nanami?"

"same" nanami said

"anyway im-"

"souda you dont have to tell us who youre trying for its sonia isnt it"

"WHO DARES TRIES FOR SONIA'S FAIR HAND" they heard a hammy shout and immediately knew it was tanaka

"woah! tanaka calm down" hinata said

"tanaka dont tell me you like sonia too!" souda said in shock

" i _don't" _tanaka said "that is a ridiculous notion"

"dont lie tanaka everyone can see the sexual tension between the three of you" nanami said

"especially between you two" komaeda added

and speak of the devil the last of the trio finally appeared

"eyyy sonia im" komaeda started to say as he started to walk towards sonia but then got pushed over by tanaka and souda trying to get to her first and fell to the ground while completely losing his cool

"komaeda i was about to swoon but seeing you pushed to the ground like a fucking loser averted that" sonia said

ladies swooned: 0

"hello sonia" tanaka said

"sonia if you had to choose between us who would you pick" souda said

"huh? i am confused as hella" sonia said

"for the blind date"

"oh that, well its better to leave it up to fate"

"come on sonia just answer this pleaseee"

"souda i dont think you should be talking after you tried to pull that nice guy act on me when i was sick even when you werent sick" sonia said

"damn…" and souda walked away dejectedly with tanaka laughing in the distance

"dont feel bad souda im supposed to be shsl luck and i havent made any ladies swoon yet" komaeda said from the ground


	4. Chapter 4

people currently present:

mahiru, souda, hinata, komaeda, nanami, tanaka, sonia, hanamura

pekoyama and kuzuryuu arrived to the scene and komaeda quickly got up

"pekoyama?" he asked

"sorry komaeda i only swoon for my young master"

ladies swooned: 0

"ah yes i can already smell the romance in the air" mahiru said

"it doesnt smell like food mahiru where the hell is the food" togami said as he entered the scene

"i only said that to lure you out of your room i knew your fat ass would come if i said there was food" mahiru said

"damn it"

"komaeda you look like someone i would really hate" togami said

"i guess that's why none of the ladies are swooning" komaeda said

"where the hell is the food" owari said as she entered the scene

she was too busy looking for the food to be swooned by komaeda

"owari i knew your fat ass would only come up here if there was food so I lied"

"damn" she said and to togami "that bitch played you too?"

"yeah she did i think shes picking lessons from hiyoko" togami said

soon afterwards nidai entered the scene

"HELL YEAH LETS START THIS ALREADY" nidai shouted with a hamminess equivalent to tanaka's and offered orange juice from his eyes and everyone rejected except hinata

"oj is oj where ever it comes from" hinata said but everyone knew he had an intense love for orange juice

hinata thought to himself: hell yeah im gonna make the orange juice fucking _swoon_

ibuki came to the scene and was swooned by togami

"that counts right? it totally counts" komaeda said

"no it doesnt" hinata said

hiyoko and tsumiki came last

tsumiki was currently too busy being tormented by hiyoko to swoon for komaeda

"yeah keep going you ugly pig girl trash, you're disgusting, who would ever want to swoon for you" hiyoko was saying

tsumiki wasnt going to admit it but she was extremely aroused

and of course hiyoko was lesbian so she want going to swoon for komaeda

komaeda was in agony "you mean i havent made any ladies swoon _at all?!"_

"you swooned hanamura if that counts" hinata said

and, in a hidden room somewhere, video screens showing what the cameras saw, ai junko enoshima was whispering to herself "you made me swoon komaeda" as she touched the video screen longingly

ladies swooned: 1

"wait why did my counter go up" komaeda said but was cut off by mahiru

"now that everyones finally here we can start this" mahiru said "me and hiyoko are gonna be hosts and remember if you wanna leave you gotta kiss someone on the lips"

"so you're not participating mahiru?" hinata said

"hell no im not letting her lips touch anything that isnt a lesbian virgin woman aka me" hiyoko said"

"what kind of fucking bullshit did you come up with now" kuzuryuu said

"everyone write your names on these strip"

"pers" hanamura whispered instinctively thru his luscious lips

so everyone wrote their names on the little white strips handed out by mahiru

she put them in a hat, and pulled two out

"alright the first couples are…."

(A/N: next chapters couples will be determined by random generator)


	5. the results

(A/N: /knbp4zf or if your too busy to type that out:

souda/sonia

owari/tanaka

kuzuryuu/pekoyama

nanami/ibuki

tsumiki/nidai

hanamura/komaeda

togami/hinata)

"here we go now you have your dates" mahiru said

souda and pekoyama thought to themselves: "hella"

komaeda was slowly sinking in despair because he has to kiss hanamuras luscious lips instead of hinatas

"hell yeah i get to date a totally cute girl" ibuki said

no reaction from nanami

"i wasnt expecting this" hinata said but then again who was

(A/N: the next 7 chapters will be ordered by dates)


	6. Chapter 6

"alright let's give these guys some space" mahiru said "everyone go downstairs and wait for souda and sonia to finish. komaeda snap out of despair already its not that bad"

komaeda was still in despair that he has to kiss hanamura

"hey how come you guys are staying" souda said to mahiru and hiyoko

"you dont listen do you? fucking idiot we're the hosts" hiyoko said

"so dont try to leave without the smooch" mahiru said

"also nothing funny we only said KISS so dont get worked up

mahiru and hiyoko settled themselves on a table next to them and tried very hard to refrain from making out

souda turned to sonia he cant believe he was having a date with sonia! looks like he accidentally took komaedas luck

uh oh looks maybe it was bad luck after all because souda is sweating even more than bertolt if that was even possible

alright what do you do first on a date souda thought he's never had any experience with this before

first thing gotta apologize to her (he still cringes when he thinks about that time)

"sonia im sorry I was such a fedora wearing freak to you" souda said

"no its no problem I think I was even worse because I was a serial killer" then her eyes went shiny and she started drooling and souda was pretty sure he got a boner

"so I was a serial killer? oooh did I kill anyone? well thats bad but was I awesome did I have my own costume huhuh?!"

souda remembered when she was batshit crazy and foaming at the mouth and tried not to think about it again

"yeah you were cool you almost killed ibuki"

"oooooooh hella! im gonna have to apologize to ibuki later"

"SMOOCH SMOOCH" hiyoko said yawning "I cant believe were doing this when we could be having lezzy sex at my room right now"

"shush you cant rush love" mahiru said

souda was still sweaty and slightly disturbed by the serial killer talk

souda took a deep breath

tanaka was with owari but if it doesnt go well with her then hes gonna go back to sonia

and sonia likes tanaka better than him and thats not good

hes gonna have to confess his love and holy shit all the sweat is forming circles under his armpit. so uncool he probably smells now

souda needed a towel

"souda are you ok? we could end this date now if you want"

"no way sonia there's something really important i have to tell you first really really important!"

another deep breath, a waterfall of sweat pours down his face

"sonia… i love…" he started

"wait souda before you say anything I wanted to say thanks for trying to take care of me while I was sick, I mean everyone else was probably completely terrified of me and you were the only one who would actually volunteer to watch over me to make sure I don't kill anyone even though I wanted to" sonia said with a sweet smile on her face

"I thought you were a huge pervert and a douchebag but it turns out you really do care about us and I think that's sweet"

souda couldn't say anything he was thinking about how cute and nice sonia is and she actually complimented her

souda didn't know what to say

sonia continued "so what did you want to say"

souda couldnt remember what he wanted to say what could he say to her?

so he said without thinking:

"sonia… i love your body"

he didnt realized what he said until souda immediately dropped her smile and holy shit hes never ever fucked up even more in his life

sonia said to mahiru: "so we cant leave until we kiss?"

"yep" mahiru said

so she got up and grabbed soudas collar and forced a quick kiss before stomping back downstairs

hiyoko of course was laughing her ass off right now

"hahaha look at this fucking loser sitting along cos his date walked out on him! ahahahaha you'll never find a date ever souda! oooooh man i cant- i-"

hiyoko fell over laughing

"this is the lowest display of the male gender" mahiru said shaking her head "its times like these is why im glad to be lesbian"

souda was completely miserable to imagine hiyoko dying by asphyxiation

not only did he fucked up any chance of dating sonia now he also had the added insult of getting kissed by her when she didn't want to

he has always imagined getting kissed by sonia but that kiss was nothing like the kiss of his fantasies

if a kiss could be angry that was definitely it

he put his hands over his face and started to cry

"alright you dumb shit we gotta get you downstairs before you drown all of us we gotta get the next dates" hiyoko recovered enough to say

both of them had to drag souda downstairs

everyone looked at the huge crying douchebag except sonia who was sitting far away looking pissed and nanami who was playing a game

"i never doubted souda would fuck up" nanami said

"alright next we got owari and tanaka next get your ass up here and it better be entertaining" hiyoko said as souda crawled to a corner to grow his own mushroom farm

tanaka stood up and gave his hand to owari "let us go" he said dramatically and very like tanaka

"yeah whatever" owari stood up and walked upstairs completely ignoring tanaka's hand

as they left hinata and kuzuryuu went up to souda who was now completely surrounded by mushrooms

"souda where the hell did you get all of these… anyway what the hell did you do" hinata said

"I fucked up" souda said

"yeah I can see that sonias completely pissed" kuzuryuu said

"you gotta do something otherwise she might revert back into a serial killer"

"ive gone past the point of no return" souda said

"come on youre not that bad of a guy shes going to forgive you sooner or later" kuzuryuu said "listen watching you like this makes me feel terrible so how about i help you out"

souda stopped planting his thousandth mushroom "really?"

"i dont know a lot about girls but im always getting bothered by them so i'll help out too " hinata said

"alright but how are we supposed to make it up to her" souda said

"i have a couple ideas kuzuryuu said"


	7. Chapter 7 and a half

tanaka would rather go on this date with sonia but owari is alright too

he barely knew this woman

"ah yes a date with two of the biggest idiots on this island" hiyoko's bitchy commentary "i wonder how this will go"

"where the hell is the food what kind of a date doesnt even have food? tanaka, you're a bad boyfriend" owari said yawning. she really didnt give a shit

"forgive me these arrangements did not account for food" tanaka said "koizumi, hiyoko, what kind of a date doesnt have food?!"

honestly tanaka has never been on a date before but he imagined every date at a restaurant had THE FOOD OF THE GODS….

"and its a restaurant date without food thats like hell without the demons" tanaka said

"what a shitty analogy" hiyoko said "anyway if you want food you gotta make it yourself or ask hanamura, what you expect for us to be here _and_ bring food?"

mahiru couldnt cook for shit and hiyoko wouldnt bother

"we told you guys you were having a blind date of _course_ you're expected to bring food! honestly you guys are supposed to be prepared for anything"

tanaka rose "then i must see to hanamura about this!" and went downstairs

owari put her feet on the table "im bored of this already can i go beat the shit out of nidai now?"

"owari can you do anything other than eat and beating the shit out of people" hiyoko said

"youre talking to a shsl gymnast here im more flexible than your girlfriend will ever be"

"what the hell is that supposed to mean owari?!" mahiru said but owari already fell asleep

xxxx

komaeda had crawled into another corner and was growing his own mushroom farm

his date hanamura had woken up and swooned again from finding out that komaeda is his date

and hinata left with kuzuryuu and souda to someplace so he couldnt bother him

togami went up to komaeda and asked him if he could share his mushrooms

"komaeda are you depressed because hanamura is your date" togami said as he was stuffing his face with mushrooms "you know i dont think hes that bad of a guy"

"its not that its just that i was trying to get someone else. okay its partly because hanamura is my date" komaeda said planting mushrooms at the same rate as togami eating them

"komaeda where is your date" and both of them looked behind them to see tanaka

"he swooned again"

"damn it" tanaka said "where did you get all these mushrooms"

"wait a second" tanaka said coming to a sudden realisation "mushrooms are food. therefore they are perfect for a date"

"interesting line of logic" komaeda said "but you cant just eat them raw"

"i see no problem with that" togami said as he stuffed his face with raw mushrooms

"we've got all these fuckin mushrooms and a kitchen full of ingrediants lets go make some FOOD" komaeda said

"is it alright to enter hanamura's domain though" tanaka said "none of us know how to cook"

"such a commoner's hobby can't be that hard" togami said "ive seen so called chefs put a bunch of stuff in the oven and comes out a nice plate of calzones, hour douvers, ratatouille….." togami was drooling at this point

"im not sure cooking works like that but it cant hurt to try!"

meanwhile hanamura rolls in his sleep

hiyoko appeared at the scene

"if you guys are going to take so long to make some food then hurry the fuck up and make some for us! _and make it quick_"

before hiyoko went back upstairs she called the next couple

"tanaka and owari are so boring! come on kuzuryuu and pekoyama! where's kuzuryuu?!"

"im here" kuzuryuu said entering the scene with hinata and souda "alright guys if this doesnt work continue with plan b "

hinata and souda both nodded and kuzuryuu went upstairs with pekoyama.

"alright time to get sonia to forgive you" hinata said


End file.
